This book is a must read for everyone! I am certain that every single client I have ever had has asked the questions asked and answered in this book. The best part about Harriet Lerner is that she has more books focused on more issues. She also wrote The Dance of Intimacy, The Dance of Anger and The Dance of Fear. So, if this book does not trip your trigger, she might have another one that does.
She incorporates some of the methods taught in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with statements like:
“…finding a voice requires us to speak and act in accordance with our core values and beliefs – not from a place of emotional reactivity.”
” ‘This above all: To thine own self be true.’ While Shakespeare used these words ironically, they are good words to live by. If we are untrue to ourselves, we live disconnected lives, and we cannot love ourselves or anybody else very well.”
“Having an authentic voice is not about speaking from a place of angry reactivity, righteousness, or criticism. Rather, it’s about constructing a more solid and whole self, modeling the behavior we want from others, and thinking about relationship problems with clarity, creativity, and wisdom. Steps in this direction require us not to rush in and tell all, but rather to consider how our words affect others. Finally, our clarity of voice reflects the degree of our self-awareness. Having an authentic voice requires us to operate from core values, rather than in reaction to other’s person’s immaturity.”
I think every person has encountered an individual that they felt wronged by and every person could benefit from taking the time to learn why it hurt them and how to move forward from it. No single person lives their life without feeling mad, hurt, scared, frustrated, insulted, betrayed or desperate. The issue really is what are you going to do with those feelings?
Stacy Campbell, LIMHP, LPC 